What Not to Say to Expecting Parents

*Note: This was written right before I went into labor, so it’s a bit delayed. More to come soon on our new arrival and other things life and foreign service!*

The title may help explain why I’ve been MIA, yet again. But I’m back! Hopefully more regularly, but with little one #1 on the way, that is TBD. It has been a wild ride so far and we’re due in just about one week. I’ve left my job in prep for the baby’s arrival. I think it was the right decision, and one I’m really grateful to have even had the option to make, but this last week has not been an easy one to have a lot of time on my hands. #thenewssucksrightnow. I will leave it at that.

Onto what inspired this post! People have generally been really great about not making the typical unintentionally obnoxious comments, but there have been a few. In these last 9 months, here’s what I’ve learned you should never say to expecting parents.

  1. OMG, you’re already 7 months? Your belly is so small! Please don’t say this. I know you mean well and think you’re telling me I don’t look like I’ve gained 40lbs, but when you tell me the baby bump looks small, a part of me freaks out, because you’re the 10th person to tell me that today and I can’t help but wonder if the baby is ok, and oh my god is it really that small? What if he ends up being underweight and all the estimates have been off?! This is what goes through my head. So no comments on the size of the bump, please – big or small!
  2. Oh, just wait until _____ (insert phrase of your choice here). Ok people, this one is for those who already have kids. Think back for a moment and tell me if you appreciated anyone telling you that once you had the baby, THIS part of your life was going to turn miserable. Or that once you got to the third trimester you’d really find something to complain about. Don’t do it! Stop yourself as soon as you find you’re starting the phrase. I get it, you’re experienced and want to share your knowledge, but only positive things please. Or funny things. Funny is good. We know we’re not going to get a lot of sleep (also, we’ve been sleep-deprived before. You parents aren’t the only ones who’ve had the fun of that experience!), we know the baby’s going to poop a lot, we know raising a kid isn’t easy, pregnant mama knows she’s going to get bigger and sleep is going to get more difficult, we know that toddlers can be terrible, we know that being pregnant and already having one can be incredibly difficult. We know, and telling us again isn’t really good for morale. 😉
  3. Welcome to the club! Oy. This is mostly a problem when it’s on public forums (e.g. facebook). This phrase is so winky wink and really insensitive to anyone who isn’t a parent. I get it – it’s a special thing to have a  child. However, not everyone chooses it, but also not everyone is able to choose it. Be kind and mindful of those folks.
  4. You’ll understand when…NO. Pleae don’t ever say this! It’s a bit…errrr, condescending. I’ll leave it at that.

Anything that I’ve missed, expecting parents?


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